I’ve seen a lot of bad movies in my time as a critic, but I can unequivocally say that The Weedhacker Massacre is one of the worst. It’s a Texas Chain Saw Massacre-inspired meta slasher that haphazardly combines a series of tangentially related storylines that never fully intersect in the end. The film is filled to the brim with ridiculous jokes that don’t land; the acting is awful, and the writing demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of narrative structure. It’s clear that director Jody Stelzig and writer Ray Spivey are trying for a “so bad it’s good” appeal, but they seemingly forgot that even an intentionally bad movie needs redeeming qualities.
The Weedhacker Massacre follows Willy Wonder (David Treviño), the survivor of a grisly bloodbath that unfolded 10 years prior in Red Eye, Texas. Wonder now has total amnesia and inexplicably lives off the grid with a masked madman who calls himself Poker Face. When Wonder learns that a film crew is shooting a fictionalized retelling of his story with him as the killer, he shoehorns himself into the production in an attempt to make sense of what happened and potentially clear his name.
Also Read: ‘It Needs Eyes’ Review: A Spooky, Affecting Gen-Z Creepypasta [Brooklyn Horror 2025]
The narrative also revolves around the Gunter family. They are a backwoods clan who own a marijuana farm in Red Eye. The drug connection is introduced via a prologue sequence like it’s a key element to the narrative, but it eventually fizzles without a proper resolution. The script steadily introduces new characters throughout, many of whom are subsequently killed off, with others who are set aside, never to be heard from again. Despite the existence of far too many key players, there isn’t a believable performance in the bunch. That means we’re left to suffer bad acting at the hands of countless characters, many of whom add little or nothing to the setup.
I recognize that the filmmakers have designs on making an intentionally bad movie, but it seems that there’s a clear misunderstanding of how to succeed in that conceit. One can make a nonsensical film that appeals to schlock lovers, but they must still imbue their creation with some redeeming qualities to preserve audience investment. The creative team behind The Weedhacker Massacre doesn’t seem to understand that. They appear to eschew every filmmaking rule under the sun, thinking that the audience will be permissive because they are in on the joke, that they’ll be game to wink and nod along. But it simply doesn’t work like that.
Rather than abiding by standard screenwriting conventions, writer Spivey scripts a narrative that introduces a series of subplots only to eventually abandon them with no rhyme, reason, or explanation. That’s incredibly frustrating because viewers reasonably expect that these storylines are going to pay dividends at some point. But many of them don’t. Those that do eventually pan out are absurd and often defy basic logic.
See Also: ‘Compulsion’ Review: An Uneven Erotic Thriller With Loving Nods to Argento and De Palma
The film also surprised me by quickly revealing information that should have been withheld until the denouement. This plays out as we witness a group of characters discussing details regarding the killer’s identity, but the subsequent proceedings are nonetheless still cloaked in mystery, as if we don’t have that information at our disposal. It’s confounding, and I would be hard-pressed to tell you why the narrative doesn’t hold more back to preserve audience engagement.
Compounding matters further are myriad pacing issues. The action spikes at times and completely stalls out at others. The entire film is a series of peaks and valleys. There are long periods of time where absolutely nothing happens, followed by brief interludes where too much happens in too short a time period. The result is a wildly uneven presentation that gives the audience nearly no reason to continue watching.
The only real constant in The Weedhacker Massacre is the barrage of bad puns and groan-inducing one-liners. A little of that goes a long way. Here, though, it’s like drinking from the firehose. The script calls for constant winks and nods that are neither funny nor effective.
I would have bounced on this one within the first five minutes if I didn’t have plans to critique. I suggest you save yourself the trouble and skip The Weedhacker Massacre entirely. If you are compelled to seek it out despite my warnings, you can presently find the film streaming on Tubi.
https://ift.tt/oCXEMTN https://ift.tt/xf29dgA