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Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Why Many Horror Film Crossover Events NEVER Seem to Work

Seriously. They just...don't. They're not meant to. I refer to the latest word in the horror stream of the ultimate crossover of two of the best Japanese horror franchises out there: THE RING, and THE GRUDGE. Or better known as SADAKO VS. KAYAKO (call me crazy but weren't the original titles RINGU and JU-ON?).

That's Right: They're Releasing an EPIC Crossover Film Pitting the Two Iconic Japanese Horror Franchises Against Each Other

All you need to do is check out the trailer right here. And witness the cheese:

Okay, so it isn't that bad. Heck, I'd watch it. Just to watch it. But I can almost guarantee that the icons that these Japanese films were will be suddenly hollow given the twisting of the formula.

Now, yes, I know I wrote about epic television crossovers before. Bear with me as I say this: film crossovers, especially of the horror kind, just don't seem to work! TV crossovers mostly work given the identical spectrums, and the formats fit together, fighting the same cause (which is why the epic CW DC heroes crossover actually worked so well).

But remember FREDDY VS. JASON? Campy (of course, we're talking about, well, Freddy and Jason). ALIEN VS. PREDATOR? Outlandish. Fun, but a bit out there (don't even get me started on REQUIEM). Even the bad cheesy '80s films like PUPPET MASTER, DOLLMAN and DEMONIC TOYS multiplied the cheese factor by a factor of gorgonzola and cheddar when crossed over, although we can cut that some slack given the three properties came from the same company anyway.

It's When You Mess With the Specific Horror Formula That It All Falls Apart

Horror films, books and other media were always ultimately about a linear problem. Straightforward. You have a problem. You don't solve it; you die.

They were never supposed to be spectator spots to watch two icons go head to head. Like Freddy and Jason. Sure, some of the sad pitiful characters get stuck in the middle with their heads chopped off as two monsters fight to the death, but the impending doom is sort of lost in the struggle for supremacy.

What made these characters so scary was that they really didn't have to fight for that supremacy. They already had it.

Now we have freakin' RINGU and JU-ON fighting for the supremacy they both should have. We might as well be watching some retarded MMA action between two weird ghostly females (and a little boy with a serious case of insomnia).

You Ultimately Mess With Something That Should Be Left Alone

Makes sense, I think. Like all horror films and books, the linear problem is something that should be left alone, lest you want to wake up the demons lurking in the shadows. Otherwise, you've got utter cheese.

Not that it's a bad thing. I like cheese. Especially gorgonzola. Goes well with Italian.

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