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Thursday, June 7, 2018

SHS Mourns the Loss of ASH VS. EVIL DEAD, But Not All Is Dead (or Undead)

You might've noticed that we've been extremely quiet as of late here on the SCARY HORROR STUFF site for good reason.... ASH VS. EVIL DEAD, the flagship show of death from Starz, as you may already know has been canceled. And what's worse? The iconic Bruce Campbell himself has now retired from the role completely!

Say it Ain't so, Bruce.... Say It Ain't so....

Oh, but he did say so. That means no more EVIL DEAD. No more Ash. No more even him showing as Ash (for comic cons and stuff). That's right: the whole Evil Dead franchise has ended, at least until they try to reboot the whole thing with a new actor.

(They're not going to do that -- not in a million years.)

The show on STARZ didn't do too bad, though: three seasons, 30 episodes. As this is a largely mournful piece of a very gruesome horror pie, we have one shining light out of all this. Actually 13 shining lights.

Here Are the BEST Most FRIGHTENINGLY DISGUSTING SCENES From the Cancelled Starz Series

And these shall never be removed. Of course, to ensure you don't spew the hellishness, you'll only see quick still images. We ask that you check on YouTube, or buy the Blu-Rays or DVDs, and watch all of the seasons yourself just to check on the splendor of gore that is/was ASH VS. EVIL DEAD.

To make this quick, though, we tantalize you with the best scenes in written form. Who knows: it might make you want to actually watch those nasty scenes. They're doozies; we ain't lyin'.

Scene No. 13: DEATH BY HARP

Only such a lovely musical instrument could be a weapon of mass destruction when it involves Deadites and Ash kicking ass. The scene kicked off the first episode in the third and final season as Ash and co. make their way to Elk Grove's high school to rescue his daughter Brandy -- only to find Brandy's best friend turned Deadite about to raise HELL.

Long story short, it was a demented fight as fights tend to be with Ash vs. the Evil Dead, in the school's music room -- a lot of trombones, drumsticks, and a decapitation by a runaway rabid cymbal.

But damn that harp. Makes the guillotine look like a butter knife.

Scene No. 12: Delta Deals the Death

Who is Delta, you ask? But of course, it's Ash's faithful ride: his classic 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88, possessed a la CHRISTINE Stephen King style and having literally splattered Ash's estranged father Brock in the third episode of season II. The death was key and shocking for a lot of reasons -- it ended a character just like that, and a fantastic guest star he was (portrayed by the Six Million Dollar Man himself, Mr. Lee Majors).

The death's quite gruesome, just so you know.... You get to see Brock's brains all over the main drag of Elk Grove. Damn, Delta. Chill.

Scene No. 11: That Necronomicon Mask

Season 1 gets some major love here on episode 9 when Ash agrees to give up that damn book to Ruby played by Lucy Lawless on one condition: Ash needs to basically rip the cover of the Necronomicon off. Not an easy feat.

The book even shrieks in pain, but what happens when you try to do that to someone? You get your ass beat. And that Necronomicon cover then becomes a mask, plastered on Pablo's face in such a gruesome way that it makes the facehugger from ALIENS look like a Valentine's Day kiss.

Scene No. 10: The Bear Trap of Episode 9, Season 2

Another episode 9.... Something about nines here. No, not really. There's a tie-in to this based on the Necronomicon mask, though, as it involves Ash travelling back in time just to prevent Pablo's kiss of death with that exact mask only to meet up with the exact person who discovered the book before the original Evil Dead film!

Crazy, right? The guy's name was Professor Knowby, not exactly an upright citizen and a little loose with the screws as he traps people in his cabin to become "vessels" for a certain Kandarian demon. All Hell breaks loose, though (literally) as he accidentally possesses his own wife Henrietta, which he then keeps her clamped in a gruesome bear trap, which Ash then tries to break with his chainsaw, only to get it caught in the mechanism.

The result of that debacle was, well, less than favorable.

Scene No. 9: Ruby Giving Birth

Dear God, do things get weird in season 3, episode 2. Needless to say, the aforementioned Ruby, while in season II became a Ghostbeater ally, backslided into evil during this season 3 when she attempted to use herself as a "vessel" for the prophesized one (just an interesting way of stating that she wanted to basically give birth to the "antichrist").

It wasn't pretty. If you thought childbirth was gruesome.... I mean.... Look, we're pretty sure Ruby would've thought twice if her being a vessel meant being a host for a nasty demon baby tearing her apart from the inside out. We're talking ribcages splitting. Not even the ALIENS chest-burster scenes could top this one.

Scene No. 8: Ash Slices a Skinless Corpse in Half

Yep. That pretty much sums it up. In season 2, episode 5, the gore gets greater here as the villain of the season, Baal, finds his way into Elk Grove and possesses quite a few people -- including an actual skinless corpse, which somehow just doesn't stay dead! Damn it.

I mean, even Ruby blasts its damn head off with the boomstick. That didn't work. So what does Ash do? He saws the quivering body in half, which you can only imagine results in quite the spray of fluid....

Scene No. 7: Introducing Semen Bullets

You read that right. Yes. Season 3 definitely did pull out all the stops right in episode 2 as Ash tries to stop Ruby from eliminating all of his "seed" (his sperm, dude) on top of trying to kill his teenage daughter. So what does Ash do? He makes a trip to the Elk Grove sperm bank and makes a few "deposits," figuring that spreading his seed around might keep his legacy alive. Smart move.

Luckily Ash was able to make a fresh "deposit" just fine until the lab tech and the cheesecake centerfold of Ash's nudie mag gets possessed with Ah-ha's classic video "Take on Me" playing in the background.... Just imagine a brawl ending with the nastiest -- test tubes filled with semen, flying through the air. Like tiny missiles.

Scene No. 6: a Good Ol' Fashioned Coffin Fight

First off, what is a "coffin fight"? Is it a fight with a coffin (possessed)? Or is it a fight on a coffin? In a coffin? Crazy. Now in season 3, episode 3, things get quite interesting as we finally get to the funeral of Ash's ex Candace who dies in the first episode of the season. Any mortician shouldn't bother trying to attach a corpse's head back on in this series, because it could mean dire disasters.

Naturally Candace comes back to undead life as a result. And she's pissed. And perhaps a bit horny. She pulls Ash into her coffin for one of the nastiest 'scuffles' inside the casket you'd ever see with the freakiest sexual innuendos and a whole lot of fetid embalming fluid.

So you now know. A "coffin fight" in this case happens inside the coffin. Let that sink in your head for a moment.

Scene No. 5: Beware the Rift Monster of Season 3, Episode 6

Totally ethereal. Fun to watch. Needless to say, the Knights of Sumeria show up in this season, tracking Ash to Elk Grove right into the basement of Ash's hardware store -- where there's an interdimensional rift. Yeah.

One of the knights ends up pulled into that rift, and it's not pretty -- he gets spat back out after only a few one nasty Deadite with the coolest ability: he can "fuse" himself with other people. After just a few minutes, Ash then faces one weird-looking 2-headed leper of a monster.

You can only imagine what the death of that monster looked like.

Scene No. 4: Decapitation By Toilet Seat

Wait, what? Just read it, damn it. So in season 2, episode 3, Ash's dad Brock's having some fun at a bar, meets a lady, decides to try and get some in the bathroom with her, only to find that, well, she's a demon.

Thankfully, Ash shows up just in time to ensure Brock's phallus remains intact, and in order to do that, Ash has to stick that demon lady's head in the toilet bowl and chainsaw it off. Then Ash and Brock bond in a lovely scene of father-son bonding. Next to that bloody toilet. With a lady demon's head in it.

Scene No. 3: The Baby Brawl

Again... Season 3. The pinnacle of insanity. Remember Ruby's demon spawn? Yeah. In episode 5, the little monster does his dirty work as the "toddler" somehow squeezes into a decapitated woman's corpse only to pop his little head out through the neck.


This demonic baby then giggles (that's right, giggles like a kid) and drops back in, like a turtle, and then pokes his head out...through ANOTHER certain body cavity.

Now we know Ash has seen a lot of shit. But just so you know, when Ash says that it's "so wrong in so many ways!", you know that this scene had to rank up there with the grossest of all lifetime.

Scene No. 2: Ash Meets Up With a Demon Henrietta

Sadly when the moron Professor Knowby accidentally possesses fan favorite character of the franchise Henrietta, it resulted in a face-off that lasted an amazing two episodes. In season 2, episodes 9 and 10 resulted in such horror comedy, Three Stooges eye-poking, and Henrietta's dribbling boob into Ash's mouth with the exclamation: "How about some nice, warm milk from Granny!"

Take some stomach pills before watching the actual scene, please.

And Finally, Scene No. 1: The "Colon"

Take a deep breath.... This has been rather difficult to go through. But I'm doing it for you. There's a reason why this particular scene earns the top spot, even teased before it was officially aired as the "most disgusting yet hilarious Ash physical fight" you'd ever see. Season 2, episode 2, was the stage. Ruby had told Ash that she hid the Necronomicon in a corpse. The question was: which corpse?

In pure Ash fashion, the guy goes through every single body he could find in a morgue, through storage. You'd think it would be easy just tearing into dead flesh and finding a book hidden away in some body cavity or cadaver.... But, no.

Demons come to life within these corpses with everything from colons to anuses reanimated and taking hold of our poor Ash as he exclaims, "Not up the butt, NOT UP THE BUUUTTT!"

Only in this show can we see a fight between organs -- undead organs for that matter -- against a chainsaw-wielding bad-ass like Ash. I mean, the guy practically experiences birth at least twice -- in a certain way -- as he fights through these internal organs with gusto -- eventually shooting with his boomstick the corpse through the digestive tract with the key exclamation you'd expect from Ash himself:


There. You Made It Through This List.

Now all you need to do is try and find these clips, or watch all the episodes featuring the one and only ASH. And remember: just take some stomach pills.

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