Picture the mid-80s. The United States are halfway through the Reagan era and Sylvester Stallone has just set his sights on Paramount Pictures’ upcoming Beverly Hills Cop. Hellbent on starring in a crime thriller, the Rambo and Rocky veteran goes so far as to rewrite the script in order to replace most of the humor with even more extravagant action scenes. Rather unsurprisingly, Paramount ends up rejecting Stallone’s costly version of the film – a decision that would ripple throughout time and lead to the production of one of the most infamous B-movies ever made.
Often referred to as the dumb man’s Dirty Harry, 1986’s Cobra is mostly remembered as a humorous misstep in Stallone’s vast filmography. However, with modern cinema’s disappointing (albeit understandable) lack of over-the-top crime thrillers that pit rogue cops against sensationalized threats pulled directly rom the headlines, I think this is the perfect time to look back on an oddball production and possibly reevaluate it as a genuinely entertaining piece of horror-adjacent fiction.
Now back to our story, Sly Stallone was only emboldened by Paramount’s rejection, deciding to rework his unused script into an original project while also incorporating elements from Paula Gosling’s crime novel Fair Game. He then recruited Greek-Italian filmmaker George Cosmatos (father of Mandy director Panos Cosmatos!) to bring his vision to life, having already worked with the director on First Blood: Part II.
Unfortunately, the partnership wouldn’t go as smoothly this time around, with Cobra’s production becoming fraught with frequent delays, squabbling actors as well as hastily rewritten set-pieces. In fact, there’s a long-standing rumor (which has all but been confirmed by multiple crewmembers at this point) that Stallone directed the majority of the film himself, with Cosmatos merely taking on producer’s duties when he found himself unable to deal with the actor’s inflated ego.
We’ll never know what Cosmato’s original vision of Cobra would have been like, but the finished film (which was released in May of 1986) tells the story of Zombie Squad veteran Lt. Marion “Cobra” Cobretti as he investigates a Los Angeles murder cult led by the sadistic Night Slasher (Brian Thompson). While this premise doesn’t sound that outrageous on paper, words can’t describe just how batshit crazy the film can get despite such a simple setup.
SO WHY IS IT WORTH WATCHING?
I’ll admit that you need to have an acquired a taste for offbeat media to really appreciate the Cobra experience (which most critics didn’t have, judging by the film’s 18% rating on Rotten Tomatoes), but as a fan of Troma films and Syfy originals, I can confidently claim that very few motion pictures can compete with this quintessential piece of ’80s schlock when it comes to sheer entertainment value.
A genuinely captivating collection of dopey one-liners and trope-heavy action, the film feels more like the exaggerated memory of a balls-to-the-wall action flick from the ’80s than the real thing. From the Night Slasher’s custom-made murder-knife to Cobretti’s love of badass vehicles, every decision here seems to have been made while abiding to the rule of cool, with the production focusing more on developing a unique style than a solid narrative.
That’s why I consider this to be one of the all-time best hangout movies despite its billing as a hyper-violent crime thriller – though that might have something to do with the fact that Stallone himself removed several plot-heavy scenes involving side characters in order to shorten the runtime and guarantee more daily showings in theaters.
Of course, there’s plenty evidence that the film’s near-self-conscious reliance on macho aesthetics and cartoony stereotypes seems to have been planned from the get-go. Thompson (who famously wasn’t invited to the film’s premiere) actually asked Stallone for guidance surrounding the Night Slasher’s backstory and motivations, with the movie star replying that the Slasher was ‘simply evil’. A straightforward explanation for a straightforward movie.
At the end of the day, Cobra has the same appeal as that microdosing artist friend that you can only stand to see once a year but think about frequently – a quirky character that you love precisely because of their memorable faults. That’s why cinematic oddities like the iconic pizza-scissors scene just make me enjoy the film even more.
AND WHAT MAKES IT HORROR ADJACENT?
It may sound silly to modern audiences, but Cobra’s central conflict about a badass cop hot on the trail of a murder cult has clear connections to the Satanic Panic, with Stallone tapping into widespread fears that were intensified by the advent of the heavily publicized serial killers of the ’80s.
The Night Slasher himself is obviously based on Richard Ramirez, and the only reason his murderous antics don’t come off as downright disturbing is the fact that the movie surrounding these horrific moments is so damn silly with its outdated morals and childish bravado. However, taken at face value, this is a story about a serial killer convincing disenfranchised youth to partake in homicidal eugenics, so it stands to reason that his scenes are easily some of the scariest in the genre.
You can even forgive Cobra’s bizarre editing when you realize that a significant amount of footage is missing here due to the MPAA originally slapping an X-rating on the first cut. And while fans would later come across a bootleg edition of the movie which restored about an hour’s worth of material (including more graphic deaths and added character moments), it’s understood that this still isn’t quite the film that Stallone and company originally set out to make.
Of course, regardless of which version you choose to see, the movie remains a highly rewatchable gem precisely because of its juxtaposition of extreme brutality and hip visual design. Hell, even celebrated directors like Nicolas Winding Refn have cited Cobra as a source of inspiration, and that’s not even mentioning the countless video games that have clearly been influenced by its gritty aesthetics.
Sure, the film is by no means a masterpiece, but movies don’t actually have to be good in order to provide us with a good time, and I can’t think of a better time than watching Sly Stallone punching his supervisor in the face before riding off into the sunset like a leather-clad cowboy. So if you’re ever in the mood for a serial killer thriller starring a ridiculously cool loose canon cop with nothing to lose, why not revisit one of the coolest (and silliest) action flicks ever made?
There’s no understating the importance of a balanced media diet, and since bloody and disgusting entertainment isn’t exclusive to the horror genre, we’ve come up with Horror Adjacent – a recurring column where we recommend non-horror movies that horror fans might enjoy.
The post Stallone vs. The Night Slasher: ‘Cobra’ Is a Quintessential Slice of 1980s Action-Thriller Schlock appeared first on Bloody Disgusting!.
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